Feylian's World » Social fluttering

Of syrup for blood

Feylian — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 13:11:15 +0000

I feel like I am motes of once-known-as-Feylian swirling in Barenjaeger* or a leaf blowing in the whistle of Felix Laband’s Whistling in Tongues. I want to drink Him and I know he will taste of maple syrup. My blood is hardly salty red – I’ve just made him a mixed cd of music so saccharine that CC would keel over and die of mortification and soundslut revolt if he ever heard it.

He is…more than I ever thought. He is breath and joy and fear of loss.

Anyway.

Things are going remarkably well at work. I love what I do and these days it consists or ever more writing which kicks ass. Living in Midrand is fantastic. WaWa and Manly Man are complete sweethearts and D has fallen in love (as is his wont) with Violet, the housekeeper****.

This past weekend was blearily wonderful. We went to MM & The Original Camel Man’s place where we listened to Chris Chameleon and drank whisky. Saturday we went to Rambo‘s house where I watched my first voluntary rugby game. I will now shell out actual cash money to buy girl rugby shirts. CC joined us later which resulted in only getting to bed in the bird chittering hours of Sunday morning.

And yes. CC is still leaving but I’m not talking about it as it is imminent enough to make my brown eyes brim. So denial ftw.

1. Word of the day: treacle (TheSage: 1. writing or music that is excessively sweet and sentimental, 2. a pale cane syrup)

2. Insight of the day: You know in the fabric of your soul when it is the right person. I’d always wondered about that.

3. State of the pool: Pale gold, body temp honey with splashing tongues of fire.*

4. Joys of the day: 1. Summertime by Billie Holiday, 2. being barefoot and alone at the office, 3. virtual lilo-ing instead of surfing the internet**, 4. wearing and discarding words like putting an outfit together with hours still before the party starts***.

5. Awesomest lines: One of my favourite poems of all time and now, finally, appropriate.

i like my body when it is with your – ee cummings

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric furr, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh….And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new

6. Scripture line: Song of Solomon (New International Version) 1: ….4

Friends

We rejoice and delight in you ^[b] ;
we will praise your love more than wine.

**Frost sent me this link. Awesome stuff. Why surf if you can fly?

***Reminds me of the afternoon scene in Atonement where Keira Knightly smokes a lot (beautifully though)

****So young and yet already destined to be an Austen character.

Of drinking wine for the kids

Feylian — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 13:24:18 +0000

It is wine festival time again /GRIN. El the Legend‘s church* has a yearly charity event where all gather to have wine, good food and excellent conversation. This year I have my own table.

Folk in attendance: CC, Delicious One, Rangineer, O the Metal Alchemist, Lovely Lila (MM‘s sister), Hot Divorce Lawyer & friend and a new edition: Dandylion (Ender‘s most recent ex) und friend.

I’ve been seeing quite a bit of Delicious One…hmmm. Perhaps if when he touched me I did not feel like an ignited trail of gunpowder, life would be somewhat easier, if far more boring.

I get to have cocktails with Delightful A and Beautiful Pagan Redhead from Tall Stories tomorrow /bounce. Intelligent, well read conversation with scavenged-from-a-royal-crypt-bone-and-some-dessicated-flesh-still-on-it-dry-humour ftw.

1. Word of the day: repudiate (TheSage: 1. refuse to acknowledge, ratify or recognise as valid, 2. cast off, 3. reject as untrue, unfounded, or unjust, 4. refuse to recognise or pay)

2. Insight of the day: When you love what you do, getting up is a joy beyond all measure.

3. State of the pool: Dom Pérignon

4. Random thought: A new blogger that shows promise: Pierre

5. Awesomest lines: I’m running out of these. Play Dead by Elsa Volschenk

Drain from me all remembering
that once meant you and I

Push me off the perfect platform
where you’ve placed me

Disarm me of all idle defenses
before I slay both our souls

Pull me back from elevation
as experienced by our touch

Descend with me into this darkness
that we’ve cultivated and

Purge me of all known bliss
so I can exist without you

6. Scripture lines: Psalm 119:64 (New International Version)

⁶⁴ The earth is filled with your love, O LORD;
teach me your decrees.

*:) Rocking ain’t it.

Of nothing much in particular and yet of everything

Feylian — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 19:52:31 +0000

Hmmmm…quite an evening. Went to The Hungarian Bar as it was Brilliant Hungarian’s bday party. Left early as poor Bambi was…to put it lightly…in pain. But of course, stoically handling said severe pain. Freaking idiot.

Man, I love those people. Should hopefully see them again soon. Swine flu has thus far precluded any visits to the legendary bar and ridiculously witty conversations* and syrupy cold vodka. (Or in this case, gin.) But with CC abandoning us (read ME..sigh…oh how I love being gyroscopically self involved) we will be there again soon.

Bams, well. I have no idea what to say. Perhaps a word like “reconnection” or “hot damn” suffice. But even that fails miserably. That was the quickest dinner I have ever had /grin.

I have to work tomorrow. Which is both good and incredibly meh. 325 325 325…

1. Word of the day: “following distance”

2. Insight of the day: Rules, if made by itself, are remarkably easy to bend, extend and then break like it was never really a rule so much as a guideline.

3. State of the pool: Stirred by an unforseen wind, somewhat choppy but nevertheless crystal.

4. Random thought: Split keyboards are lovely for the wrists but a bitch to get used to again.

5. Awesomest lines: Life is Elsewhere by Milan Kundera

“The opportunity had been irrevocably lost, and Jaromil heard only the feeble sound of water draining from the bathtub into distance sewers; the irretrievability of this marvelous opportunity broke his heart, for he knew that the chance to spend an evening alone in the house with Magda would not come again soon, and that even if it were to occur, the key would long since have been replaced and Magda would have double locked herself in. He lay on his bed in despair. But what made him feel worse than the loss of the opportunity was the dispair he felt at the thought of his timidity, his weakness, his stupidly pounding heart, which had deprived him of his presence of mind and spoiled everything. He felt a violent distaste for himself. “

* Yes, CC was in attendance. As was El the Legend.

Of being tard* but so very happy

Feylian — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 11:17:53 +0000

I warn you now: this post offers the intellectual stimulation of watching a Love Boat episode with purple cotton candy wedged in your ears.

It has been quite a week. I’m so knackered I can barely see straight. I am not the biggest sleeper in the world but 15 or so hours in 4 days is not ideal *blearily wipes eyes*. I am however happier than I was with the previous post so that should tell you something :).

And still for all the same reasons.

This weekend should rule though. Going to the driving range with the Rangineer**, moving tomorrow morning, meeting up with Bambi and introducing one heart friend to 3 others (Brilliant Hungarian, CC and El the Legend) 2 more social engagements and then hopefully a very quiet and barely moving Sunday.

1. Word of the day: inherent (TheSage: 1. the nature of something though not readily apparent, 2. existing as an essential constituent or characteristic.)

2. Insight of the day: John Mayer will always make me happy.

3. State of the pool: Limpid, barely rippling

4. Random thought: Wharrgarble

5. Awesomest lines: Elsa Volschenk - Jungle

complete am I in the lushes hush that i’ve nurtured into being
at peace am i out here where i believe I will not be found

no need to grow, mature or evolve

out here i act my mock age and belie my years on this earth
for obsessed i will remain by childish things

juggling the mask
i am not willing to become but for the blessing of Love
set free am I by a truth bigger than this jungle of mine.

*Tired – from Infinite Jest

** I’m tired ok. But I still think it is a good name for an ex game ranger turned engineer.

Of no regard for self preservation

Feylian — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 12:17:31 +0000

You know you’ve had a rough evening when the next day it feels like you are wading through the metre high snowbank that is your work day while wearing little more than a flimsy dress aka your conscience. My brain currently resembles a 1.5kg roughly hewn block of porous gloop.

Went to Tings with Little Brother & entourage, Rose Girl*, Lovely Redheaded Photographer, The Delicious One** and Ender. The Black Cat Bones were once again slurpingly awesome. So so good. The rest of the evening however, is a bit of a blur. At the end one of Ender and my clients joined us. The man has insane amounts of money. By way of illustration: we were raving about how awesome TBCB is and he wanted to pay them and the sound engineer to play another set. They declined but if they hadn’t we would have had an encore performance. He is dangerously charming…in a career destroying, harakiri kind of way. Sometimes being a woman in business is damn hard.

I have a date tonight. Should be interesting considering I can barely construct a sentence much less witty banter. Oh well.

1. Word of the day: perplexed

2. Insight of the day: I can no longer handle my likker >.<

3. State of the pool: peachy wavelets sussurating shush and other softly treading words

4. Random thought: …that would require thinking innit.

5. Awesomest lines: Classic song. Come together – the Beatles. Completely trippy song.

*Lovely, clever, vibrant young lady. Can’t wait to get to know her better.

** Who seems to no longer be scared of “lirrel ol me”…/grin. I left him well enough alone, delicious or no.

Of an evening which contained 2 poets and half a blues band

Feylian — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 10:49:36 +0000

I love the endless-possibility-feeling of a Saturday morning, when the living is easy*. An epic evening of acoustic blues at Sinkshack with Badword, Poet Programmer and the guys from The Black Cat Bones ensured a fragile morning ensconced in feather duvet and The Rattle Bag. I have no idea what I will do the rest of this quiet day and that is wonderful. I am free to do anything. Anything at all**.

I dreamt of being love. I dreamt that we were standing in each other. Your left hand fitted perfectly in the knuckle duster handle of my hips and your right encompassed my back, your fingers crossed the meniscus of my skull and fused with my brain. My hands enclosed your spinal column, nerve filaments spliced and endlessly replicating. We shared ribs, a heart and lungs. We/I breathed love.

…This either means that I have a pretty graphically anatomic view of love or, that I am a narcissist par excellence >.<.

1. Word of the day: inexorable

2. **Insight of the day: Why is it that being soaked in the maybe of something is more delicious than the reality of it?

3. State of the pool: Still clarity with the odd ripple of reflection.

4. Random thought: Almost all compliments I receive have a modifier attached to it: “sexy bitch”, “dark angel” not to mention getting Poison dedicated to yours truly a few times to many >.<

5. Awesomest lines:

As much as you can

And if you can’t shape your life the way you want,
at least try as much as you can
not to degrade it
by too much contact with the world,
by too much activity and talk.

Try not to degrade it by dragging it along,
taking it around and exposing it so often
to the daily silliness
of social events and parties,
until it comes to seem a boring hanger-on.

Constantine P Cavafy

*Summertime - I will always prefer the Billy Holiday version. There is something to be said for a fey soul like that singing a George Gershwin tune.

Of reading and penetrating cold

Feylian — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 18:38:02 +0000

I love how sometimes only 1 day can be of such awesome that writing becomes a giggling Herculean task.

Last night was indeed epic, even if it was not nearly what I had envisioned it to be. El was, as always, freaking legendary. It is a miracle that the woman can move without stepping over the supine supplicators for her affection. And, dear gods, those legs. If ever you are short of cash and in need of a drink, dress her in 4inch fm-boots and take her to a “club”*. Oh and I managed to freak out a dominee. It’s been awhile /grin. Met some lovely people, I guess those “clubs” have their pro’s. (muahahaha…no I kill me, really)

This morning I woke up to rain. Which turned into honest to goodness Scotland sleet. Global warming ftw! Hid away in Tall Stories. Both Beautiful Pagan Redhead*** and Delightful A are on my top 6 dinner party guests. Delightful A opened Milan Kundera to me and 4 other awesome books which I cannot wait to read. If you have time and are in the area, go there. Seriously. It is a joy comparable to dark chocolate mousse or listening to a CC mixed tape**. Met The Blonde Engineer for a much belated bday lunch and he too only after a few minutes, and some enthused nagging, bought 2 books. On soup. In time he might upgrade to non-happiness-of-the-mouth reading. Well, one can hope.

CC, The Lovely Redheaded Photographer and I made a paprika goulash and are swimming in music which melts bones and movies…oh hooking up soundsluts rocks. I love my life. I really do.

1. Word of the day: salacious

2. Insight of the day: I am a rocker. Even trying to gyrate to crap rythms last scoffed at when 13 is several levels of not ok.

3. State of the pool: A beautifully aged claret.

4. Random thought: It rained slush puppy today.

5. Awesomest lines: Milan Kundera – Slowness. There is far too much here so let’s start with page 4 -

Speed is the form of ecstasy the technical revolution bestowed on man. As opposed to a motorcyclist, the runner is always present in his body, forever required to think about his blisters, his exhaustion; when he runs he feels his weight, his age, more concious than ever of himself and of his time of life. This all changes when man delegates the faculty of speed to a machine: from then on, his own body is outside the process, and he gives over to a speed that is non-corporeal, non-material, pure speed, speed itself, ecstacy speed.

*I rarely use inverted commas and with good reason. But in this case it is warranted. Why on earth people have a desire to spend time in a place where the patented once-over-and-then-dismissed/adored-look is so prevalent that eyes water at the small African country crippling energy expediture is beyond me. /shudder. No. Just no. If I want my posterior manhandled I’d rather commit an act of freedom fighting and have someone be my female canine companion.

** Yes. I am that old.

***For some reason I am inundated with gorgeous carrot-tops. I guess I need to see better..oh it was lame but I enjoyed it :)

Of shades of brown butterflies falling through the floor

Feylian — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 12:47:05 +0000

I have a lot of work to do but there is in me a /bounce spirit that makes concentrating harder than removing cooled homemade caramel from a formica tabletop. Remember that winter-sun-drenched feeling of stretching your legs on the rugby/soccer/hockey field, when everything is that Highveld dry golden brown, and every worry seeps into pearls of sweat which in turn soaks into the thirsty field. When there is no time but the next half an hour and you can smell too much brown Status deodorant* and fixate like only a teenager can on wide shoulders and a hint of collar bone and then still manage to feel bored. Teenagers are headshakingly weird creatures.

Anyway. Last night was epic. Little Brother’s band Urban had their first public gig. The full entourage was, of course, in attendance**. I couldn’t move for delicious 4 year olds who for some strange reason thought me quite lovely. Russian Mafia Guy, El the Legend, Lovely Redheaded Photographer and CC joined in. The guys from Black Cat Bone are severely cool and their music incendiary, if you can, definitely go see a gig. Hopefully I get to hang out with them again soon /grin.

Russian Mafia Guy took El and I home and loooordy that Merc can move. Kings of Leon, going far too fast and arctic wind coming through the sunroof through which I could touch the stars…that is just stylish. Like everything about that man. I reiterate that any woman who lands him is in for the ride of her life.

Tonight El and I are going out *attempts to stifle a muahahahah but fails miserably*. It might be some fun….no really, I kill me. Give me an E…give me a P…give me an I…give me C and then the blissfull sleep of a mild hangover and the stretchy yawning of the knowledge of a prod buttock evening out. /GRIN baby.

1. Word of the day: aesthesis – see if you can name one word that starts with that lovely vowel combination that is not somehow sublime?

2. Insight of the day: I might miss carbs but fitting into my vastly more attractive and younger brother’s jeans ROCKS.

3. State of the pool: Toffee Cape Velvet with crushed ice.

4. Random thought: Ever listened to Suzanne Vega’s Caramel?

5. Awesomest lines: this little gem from Perfect Guy

patience little dirty faced girl… (patience is a virtue, virtue is a Grace…)

Grace is a little girl…

who never washed her face

*It may be tacky but that sense impression is forever fixed in my mind as the epitome of unrequited oxoxox fried puppy love

** Apparently 4 year olds cannot but move in packs.

Of awesome and good friends

Feylian — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 18:22:09 +0000

Oh my soul. For some reason being at the Redhead Photographer’s house brings out the /bounce in me like very little else. It does help that CC is here /grin. Remember Melville?

Listening to Not My Dog and much other loveliness. Just had an epic dinner of steak and one kickass salad. Atkins ftw! Gotta love men folk who gladly eat salad and steak with a dieting friend.

One day when I am a grown up I will be able to explain the sheer joy of hanging out with heartfriends and listening to prod buttock music. Can one person be so blessed?

1. Word of the day: rump…hiehie

2. Insight of the day: watching the inner mechanics of a clock is very PTerry.

3. State of the pool: Deliciously burbling Sprite Zero*

4. Random thought: Metal has its moments…

5. Awesomest lines: “Potato bake ftw”..CC you bastard.

* see the earlier post

Of retracing steps and being knackered

Feylian — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 20:01:47 +0000

Well the bloortness is better but I am still quite unbalanced. D’s party was wincingly awkward. Hopefully by next year his dad is less bitter and my organisational skills in working order. At least the little man enjoyed it. Gosh, he’s becoming more and more of a person and it is awesome to watch.

The Oriental Party was fun but meds+alcohol=bad idea. I am even less spatially aware than normal which just leads to pain in the butt consequences. I will have to go there tomorrow in the hope of getting my debit card back*. Man this weekend just about crippled my finances. Luckily I got a lot of vouchers for books because I will not be able to so much as poke my nose out the door…or drive..or eat >.<.

What else happened? CC was his delightful self and actually went into Nice CC mode as opposed to scathingly funny mode. El the Legend was magnificent and moth-to-a-flame lovely as always. O dear. Russian Mafia Guy…I introduced him to Hot Divorce Lawyer and they got on quite well. House on fire well. They’re both fiery and smoking hot so it could work. He is trouble though. If you let him he could quite easily consume you in a whoosh of flame and not be changed by the experience. He made sure I got home safe though. The girl that gets him is in for quite a ride.

RK and he had a good talk about their charities so that rocked. Little Brother and his Entourage took the karaoke over /grin. I don’t think Fanie’s Place will be the same after him singing The Doors songs :). Quite a lot more happened but I’m too tired to relive it.

I’m quite glad birthday week (ok so more honestly birthday half a month) is over. I’m exhausted and woefully underprepared for this week. But I am loved. That helps :).

1. Word of the day: unconquerable and unmitigated.

2. Insight of the day: if you have to read history make sure you read as many accounts as you can. Historians lie. Perhaps not purposefully but it happens.

3. State of the pool: Cherry menthol Med-lemon

4. Random thought: Moshoeshoe was one kickass king

5. Awesomest lines: I’m reading an anthology of short stories called My mistress’s sparrow is dead edited by Jeffrey Eugenides. “We didn’t” by Stuart Dybek is excellent.

“…Entwined in your faded Navajo blanket, we lay soul-kissing until you wept with wanting.” How can anyone read that sentence and not wish with all that they are that they were the one to have written it?

6. Scripture line: No scripture. Some Piper instead.

The effort to repay God, in the ordinary way we pay creditors,
would nullify grace and turn it into a business transaction.
If we see acts of obedience as installment payments,
we make grace into a mortgage…
Let us not say that grace creates debts;
let us say that grace pays debts.
Past grace is glorified by intense and joyful gratitude.
Future grace is glorified by intense and joyful confidence.
This faith is what empowers us
for venturesome obedience
in the cause of Christ.

*sigh. I lost it there this morning when CC and I went there to find my phone and his jacket. The phone is with CF but we don’t know where the jacket is yet. See? Pain in the ass stuff which is no one’s fault but my own.