Feylian's World » Joy

Of an impending summer weekend

Feylian — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 13:14:21 +0000

This is just yours truly rambling because it is far too beautiful a day for work (that I have quite a lot of but am rebelling). I’m sitting next to an open window and the sunlight is inching onto my lily white self and fanning the tendrils of hair that escaped from the far-too-lazy-to-comb-let’s-make-a-sloppy-ponytail-instead hairdo.

I have the attention span of an ADHD gnat on smack. All I want to do is revel. I want to take big gulps of love/air, I want to be swollen with joy and beauty. I want to forget about anything but having my fingers swim through the air, away from here. I want to feel the heat and sweat of justice and to have those cells happily bounce because there is no moment better than this. No regrets of yesterday, no what ifs of tomorrow. Just maple syrup sunlight, top lip beads of sweat, braai smoke and chilled wine under The Wisteria Purple Patio.

I want to be moved by incendiary guitarists like Jimi & John Mayer (but of course). I want to feel CC‘s (Felix Laband Whistling in tongues, Juno Reactor Conquistador Part 1) music goosebump my entire being. I want the notes of Hans Zimmer’s Elysium and Now we are free to soak into my muscle filaments and untangle the mess of too much Dell 610.

I want witty banter and lazy sauntering. I want to walk arm in arm and plait honeysuckle into my hair. I want to laugh so hard I crack a rib. I want to trace the skin of your wrist and watch you shudder with pleasure. I want to lie on the trampoline and feel half of me bake. I want to hear MM beautiful belly laugh and Rambo‘s deep voice caressing terse sentences. I want to say goodbye to my friend who is not even going all that far and see the bittersweet joy this will have him feel. I want to never forget this day or this weekend or this frame of my life.

I love my life, as you should yours.

1. Word of the frame: reverberate (The Sage: 5. ring or echo with sound, 6. have a long or continuing effect)

2. Insight of the frame: Being able to express exactly how you are feeling is like a first kiss.

3. State of the pool: gin and tonic

4. Joy of the frame: I will probably get all I want /grin

5. Awesomest lines: I freaking adore this woman. Yours and mine – Elsa Volschenk

My heart is humming to it
my mind dancing to it
my dreams chasing it

Your heart is closed to it
your mind unaware of it
your dreams untouched by it

Our worlds collide into it
but it’s different -
while bursting in my soul
it’s resting in yours.

Of being tard* but so very happy

Feylian — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 11:17:53 +0000

I warn you now: this post offers the intellectual stimulation of watching a Love Boat episode with purple cotton candy wedged in your ears.

It has been quite a week. I’m so knackered I can barely see straight. I am not the biggest sleeper in the world but 15 or so hours in 4 days is not ideal *blearily wipes eyes*. I am however happier than I was with the previous post so that should tell you something :).

And still for all the same reasons.

This weekend should rule though. Going to the driving range with the Rangineer**, moving tomorrow morning, meeting up with Bambi and introducing one heart friend to 3 others (Brilliant Hungarian, CC and El the Legend) 2 more social engagements and then hopefully a very quiet and barely moving Sunday.

1. Word of the day: inherent (TheSage: 1. the nature of something though not readily apparent, 2. existing as an essential constituent or characteristic.)

2. Insight of the day: John Mayer will always make me happy.

3. State of the pool: Limpid, barely rippling

4. Random thought: Wharrgarble

5. Awesomest lines: Elsa Volschenk - Jungle

complete am I in the lushes hush that i’ve nurtured into being
at peace am i out here where i believe I will not be found

no need to grow, mature or evolve

out here i act my mock age and belie my years on this earth
for obsessed i will remain by childish things

juggling the mask
i am not willing to become but for the blessing of Love
set free am I by a truth bigger than this jungle of mine.

*Tired – from Infinite Jest

** I’m tired ok. But I still think it is a good name for an ex game ranger turned engineer.

Of rediscovering old friends and blood sizzling joy

Feylian — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 11:43:00 +0000

I have no idea where to start. I am so incredibly happy that I feel like I breathe by expanding my lungs past my ribs and inhaling popping candy oxygen. I love my life. I do not deserve this blessing nor this blood sizzling joy. And no, I am not in love.

Factors contributing to said haemoglobin /bounce:

~ I love my job. I do. It has the odd icky bit but mostly it is wonderful. I believe in my company and our unique little snowflakeness. I love knowing that what we do make a difference in the world and though we may not be Google, we are on our way there.

~ I have my Dell (souped up Latitude D620). I know that it seems silly, and ownership is not my thing, but it is my first PC. The rest have been loans or gifts but this one is mine*.

~ Friends. Do you know what it is like to be in a feedback loop of got-your-back-love**? I have the great privilege of being allowed into the lives of the coolest people I have ever met. When lying on a trampoline while sunlight bakes you lazy and cold fresh baby-giggle-scented air wakes you and conversation sustains you, or witty gtalk banter that you wish you could show the world become meh, then life will be awful indeed.

~ Faith. Yes I know it makes most of you cringe and scoff but bear with me. Jesus died for me, washed me with His blood to save me from the wrath of the Almighty God. Me. The freaking oilspill, He washed clean. I can’t explain it and I won’t force it on you but I know it is true and it makes me so grateful that it brings me to my knees.

~ Maybe-love. /grin. “Vry is lekker en vry in die bondel die heel lekkerste”.

~ Rediscovering old friends. I told you about Bambi. How on earth do I try to sum up 14 years? Or last night’s +/- 4 hour conversation…the closest I can come: he and I are war buddies. I understand why men (or women in combat) can have a more honest and true connection with someone they spent 3 months with in a war zone and didn’t even particularly like vs their wives whom they’ve known and loved their whole lives. .. And we have the added bonus of being way back when maybe-loves. Our lives are irretrievably entangled and that is wonderful. Hearing his voice is like coming home.

1. Word of the day: panoptic (including everything visible in one view – Sequence Publishing’s The Sage)

2. Insight of the day: Saying “I love you” and “thank you” and meaning it, is not done enough.

3. State of the pool: Sweet home made ginger ale.

4. Random thought: How bruised can your legs be before it is uncool to wear a little dress?

the space you’ve specifically decided
should be assigned to me

show me the passion you’ve let grow for me

the garden patch of your heart’s desire
you believe will only bloom for me

show me the love you’ve saved for me

the commitment and the soul
you are willing to share with me

rehearse your part and i will mine
so that it may all seem like the perfect act
of show and tell

6. Scripture line: John 3:16 (New International Version)

¹⁶“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

*Full Metal Jacket rifle prayer

**John Mayer. He may be arrogant but he has a point. And he is a genius.