I hate being really angry. I know some people enjoy the heart-pounding high but I know that the murderous humiliation and brief hate ripping through my guts, age me faster than Dorian Gray playing kissy-kissy with his painting.

The worst part is not the rivers of boiling acid in my veins or the hissing words, it is the grainy, cold cement that is my spirit and affection after the heat fades. That horrible disengaging thing again. I tend to not engage again, ever which is not good. This time I can’t leave even if I wanted to. I really don’t see the way out here.

Well, actually I do but I am not happy about it. Who would’ve thought that the religion-lite service I attended last night would be useful*. Love your neighbour as you would yourself…and the genuine-love not the self-destructive-vodka-and-table-dancing-love.

1. Word of the day: steeks (afr), halstarrig (afr), dichotomy

2. Insight of the day: Just how long am I going to be angry about this?

3. State of the pool: Frozen spikes of never again and glooping hot tarry resentment

4. Random thought: Would a story about a guy that has an unerring instinct/super power to find the shortest possible time/distance route location work?

5. Awesomest lines: I read quite a bit this weekend but don’t have any of the books with me so here is an old favourite, Sylvia Plath – Mushrooms

Overnight, very
Whitely, discreetly,
Very quietly

Our toes, our noses
Take hold on the loam,
Acquire the air.

Nobody sees us,
Stops us, betrays us;
The small grains make room.

Soft fists insist on
Heaving the needles,
The leafy bedding,

Even the paving.
Our hammers, our rams,
Earless and eyeless,

Perfectly voiceless,
Widen the crannies,
Shoulder through holes. We

Diet on water,
On crumbs of shadow,
Bland-mannered, asking

Little or nothing.
So many of us!
So many of us!

We are shelves, we are
Tables, we are meek,
We are edible,

Nudgers and shovers
In spite of ourselves.
Our kind multiplies:

We shall by morning
Inherit the earth.
Our foot's in the door.

6. Scripture line: Convicting…

1 Corinthians 1 (New International Version): ¹⁰I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.

*I’ve long since stopped pretending that I am tolerant of other forms of christian faith. I actually willingly used “heresy” in a conversation and felt only a small thrill of conservative I-shall-not-be-moved. My libertarian soul might have been screaming though…guess it was drowned out by the feel good selfrighteous high.

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