Of pretty pink confusion and lady names

So I saw the Lovely Redheaded Photographer again last night and we had yet another of those talks. Prompted by what seems to be a newly acquired inability to lie, I had to explain to him where we stood. I had to do this because I told El the Legend that I wanted to see him and then had to explain to her lovingly merciless self why. Not the la-la-whatever-why…the real soul-searching-why. There is something to be said for a friend who wants to see right through you and then does. Accountability is a b….3 legged parrot named Susan.

I don’t know about this guy. Every time I see him I want to see more of him*. He’s the calm to my chaos, depth to shallow Sally over here. I don’t think I see him for who he really is. It’s as if we move at such vastly different speeds that I only occasionally get glimpses of this lovely**, passionate and above all, patient man. I only found out something as huge as him having a broken back today. His brother, after a few minutes of conversation with me, said that I look as if I could katana LRP’s heart at any point***.

The problem is that I know I’m not ready for who he could be for me. There is no maybe-love with this one. All or nothing, which he kindly but firmly reemphasized to me. And yet I can’t wait to see him again. But I also know that I cannot, nor am I sure that I want to, give him the decision he does not ask of me. See the issue?

Poor CC is not doing to well either and Russian Mafia Guy’s quest continues. Only MM and her The Original Camel Man seem to have it working. I get to escape there this weekend. Breathing space and sleeping late ftw.

I will post something with more IQ than this emo-teen-soppy nonsense soon.

1. Word of the day: interregnum

2. Insight of the day: 30 does not magically bestow powers of clarity and wisdom

3. State of the pool: gathering the last of autumns leaves to hide the turbulent swirls of ice cold I-don’t-know mixed with oh-hot-damn-I-want-to.

4. Random thought: Annie Lennox’s Whiter Shade of Pale remains firmly in the awesome category and I really want to see some live music again soon.

5. Awesomest lines: CC sent me this. Written by the lead singer of Otep Shamaya. Not music I will listen to but I like this:

“For me, sex is sacred and should be executed with all the pious zealotry and devotion of a suicide bomber. Give everything, all of your senses, all of your trust, turn everything over, and amalgamate.”

6. Scripture line: Romans 1:¹⁶I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.

* CC more than approves of his choice in music. That’s pretty hardcore.

**Those lovely lines and as I accidentally found out, somewhat muscular stomach *wipes line of drool off chin*

***That is one hell of a compliment…well sort of. It is certainly true but I like the evil geisha connection it gives :)

Tagged with: Otep Shamaya

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This entry was posted on Friday, July 17th, 2009 at 3:04 pm and is filed under Love or lack of love. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.