I’ve been reading a LOT. And am no longer in possession of the laptop. These two statements are pretty irrevocably interlinked btw. Sigh. Posts will therefore be intermittent in a good week and frankly scarce in a busy one.

While driving to work this morning I was thinking about love & starch (as you do in morning traffic) and he peeked into my mind. For a brief moment I knew him,  I could almost grasp his essence. I first dreamt of him when I was 13 or 14. This dream is one of the rare, tangible memories of the time and it is only a moment of the dream and the accompanying impression that I remember. I couldn’t see his face and I was looking at the fibers of his jersey. He was holding me so my face was pressed up so close that I could make out the individual fibers of the cream-with-specks-of-rainbow wool. I breathed in and I remember the smell made my knees buckle. Every now and again I get notes of it but I cannot remember the entire melody of perfume. As for the impression: kindness, single minded-gladness-that-I-am-alive, tenderness and a transcendent alien-ness.

This morning’s fleeting thought was once again an impression/aura of him. Followed immediately by the thought that finding him would mean giving him up soon thereafter as he would never want me as anything other than a friend or he would be gay or on his deathbed or something equally drown-my-sorrows-in-melted-rum&chocolate romance novel sad. Yes, yes I know…let the hackles down folks. I am a little snowflake of awesome and blah blah blah.

However, I would want to be with only him. No more approximations or maybe-loves. So, here’s to being that awesome old lady who drinks gin out of flowery, seethrough china and cackles while plaiting her hair in her giant library.

Speaking of awesome…CC is the across category perfect guy and for some completely understandable yet gibbering idiot reason TBRH does not want to buy just now. Somehow I think shaking her till skinnily perfect body reverberates with comprehension is perhaps not the ideal way to go.

Todays post is therefore firmly in the lack of love category. Bugger.

1. Words of the day: frumpy and Drupal

2. Insight of the day: Since I love love love my life, might it not make me a bit reluctant to lose lose lose it? Not so good, that.

3. State of the pool: Sprite Zero :)*

4. Random thought: Atkins gives a nasty headache that will not go away regardless of the hardcore (for otc**) painkillers available.

5. Awesomest lines: What a freaking impossible task this one is today. Hmmm…I don’t have any of the books nearby so here is a kneecapper of old.

it may not always be so;and i say
that if your lips,which i have loved,should touch
another's,and your dear strong fingers clutch
his heart,as mine in time not far away;
if on another's face your sweet hair lay
in such a silence as i know,or such
great writhing words as,uttering overmuch,
stand helplessly before the spirit at bay;

if this should be,i say if this should be-
you of my heart,send me a little word;
that i may go unto him,and take his hands,
saying,Accept all happiness from me.
Then shall i turn my face,and hear one bird
sing terribly afar in the lost lands.

ee cummings

6. Scripture line: No scripture but once again Love is here – Tenth Avenue North

*clear sticky sweet lemonyness that make no difference to your hips but sure mess with your head later.

**over the counter

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 15th, 2009 at 5:05 pm and is filed under Love or lack of love. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.