Of wallowing
Yes. Well. Sorry about that. I think I should get points for the sheer emo of that post.Gosh, it was the literary equivalent of cutting. This is what happens when my eyes are on me and not on God.
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Sometimes we need to just take a moment to realise what we unleash on those around us. Take time to remember things like dropping someone on their birthday, like being too insecure in ourselves to be able to hold up someone we care about. You know, the little things which change our lives, mash up our worlds, make us wonder about what could have been, what should have been; indeed, what is.
Without these moments of introspection and self-loathing, we never come to have a true respect for those who show us untainted love — like our Father, like the people who have chosen to take on His heart of love for us. Without moments of understanding the recklessness of our pasts, we never learn, adapt and change from the dark beings which we are. We never move towards the light. We just keep on cutting those around us, swirling ever onward: macabre, blood-stained ballerinas of death and defiance.
There are people who never leave this loathsome state — they just keep on swirling, swirling, sucking people into their worlds, destroying hearts, dreams, lives. Those are the people who require a brute-force intervention. Those are the true reapers of our age. And there are just so many of them. Society all but demands that we be like them. We place them on pedestals. We adore them. We want their lives for the glossy glamour. Sad.
All of that being said, we also need to be able to rise out of that twilight of self-deprecation, because if we don’t, we remain at least as stagnant in our hearts as we would have if we had blindly continued to be plastic people. Introspection is a useful tool but has to be limited. People who love us are there to help with that.
And people who really love us are never lost to us — even when they see the dark underbelly of our pasts. If the shadows of our souls are enough to scare others away, then they are effective filters in removing other plastic people from our lives. Much like hardcore biker apparel and piercings in non-socially-acceptable places. Filters make life easier: when you know who is a waste of time, you waste less time on them. This leaves more time for the real people in your life whom you adore and without whom you would be an empty husk in a dusty room of gloaming.
How can you still have the power to kneecap me?
Yes. You are right and you have the right to say what you, so very eloquently, did.