Not having my car or cell phone have been frankly, wonderful. I’ve always suspected that my phone caused me harm but now that the insistent and ever present low grade thrumming anxiety is just gone, I understand how much of an influence it has on my life.

I am going to move away from using it. I have the internet when I need to communicate and I will discourage my friends from contacting me on the phone. When did this useful tool become such an addiction and bane? I now understand why I shed phones. Why I am so careless. I have been trying (and quite often succeeding) in ridding myself of it…just the thought of getting it back and having to return the by now deeply irate messages makes me want to don a wimple and go Amish on everyone.

I’ve been reading in this blissful quiet. I love how the entire world fades when you can so fully tumble into another dimension. C’s music is the closest I have come to simulating a morning like this one. Actually this entire weekend has been wonderful. Both Friday’s Melville excursion and last night at the Hungarians’ bar was socially delicious. I had quiet no contact days and then lovely evenings. I feel like I’ve been on holiday.

I am however, even more in a touch frame of mind. I watched Vicky Cristina Barcelona and the first 20 minutes of Atonement* which established 2 things: 1. Woody Allen is a brilliant man whose movies are excellent, especially when he doesn’t star in them and 2. I cannot live like this much longer. Oh I have no intention of doing anything stupid and falling back into my old patterns but I also know that I am starving for affection and connection. C and I have been talking and he is in a very similar place. We both seek someone with whom we can talk, connect and who will make us laugh and in whom we can, for a little while, lose our ever present thoughts. Until I have such a person who think I too, am magic, I will not succumb.

1. Word of the day: languid**
2. Insight of the day: I finally understand why being pressed by season sickness is so powerful. We need sunlight.
3. State of the pool: Languid and a bit soapy.
4. Random thought: My hair smells of honey and that makes me happy.
5. Awesomest lines:

When you first disappeared
I couldn’t keep up with my breakneck grief,
and now I know how grief can run away with the mind,
leaving the body desolate as a staircase.

~Charles Henri Ford