Of stumbling and the resulting wonky brain chemistry

I made the mistake of drinking last night. Rum is not good for you. Now couple rum with listening to R&B you last listened to in high school and boy, are you in trouble.

Now I know I shouldn’t drink. I didn’t do any of the things I know I shouldn’t* but I still used it as an escape. Instead of praying I resorted to old habits.

So today was spent in shaky non /bounce mode. No horrible hangover, oh no. That I could’ve dealt with. No see I had to spend the day sitting as still as possible in the hope that the plug in the bathtub of my mind will once again find itself..well, plugged. All joy juice/serotonin was rushing out as if being contained in the aforementioned tub was a fate worse than being caught wearing white high tops with sparkly pink laces, legwarmers and a bubble hairstyle.

Jokiness aside, I feel deeply ashamed for not turning to my God for the guidance that I need. I hate feeling dipped in sin. Just once I would like not to fail miserably when trials come around. When will I have the character that Romans speak of? When will I be able to be blameless in His presence as Jude & Ephesians says? I understand why Adam and Eve hid when God called them.

I feel like I am surrounded by wonderful Christian friends who have no idea what it is to stumble and fall. They seem to live such blameless lives and when I am so sobbingly grateful for being saved even though I stumble and can barely pray for shame, I feel a fool.

Grace. Oh man.

1. Word of the day: sod
2. Insight of the day: It is not in my hands
3. State of the pool: dishwater
4. Random thought: I removed the BMW as desktop background. It did not do me good.
5. Awesomest lines: Still no story as yet but Cassander is in top form as usual so read him
6. Scripture line: Ephesians 1:
¹¹In him we were also chosen,^[e] having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, ¹²in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. ¹³And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, ¹⁴who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.

*I did however, dance. This is not a good thing. Remember how I told you that I am the least swanlike creature I know…dancing is one of those things you need self posession and spatial awareness for or you end up jiggling instead of getting “jiggy wit it”. I jiggled right into a few sharp corners and will probably be finding bruises for a week to come.

Blogroll

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 12th, 2009 at 3:14 pm and is filed under YGM. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.