It is a damn inconvenience not to be able to speak to you. Why did you have to end up being the one person to whom I tell everything? One little hara-kiri declaration and wham…radio silence. I am going to have the jaw muscles of a beaver with all this grinding.

Either just before or just after you exited stage left I started seeing an old school friend of mine. Not seeing in the American usage of the term, nor in the “visions” kind of way but in the “laid eyes upon” for the first time in 10 years way. At first I was very excited to talk to him again as I assumed time would have mellowed him as it has me*. No. In fact he got worse. He outgrew whatever self doubt he might have had and is now a frothing at mouth, The Shack distributing, vision seeing charismatic Christian who does not listen but instead only waits for his turn to speak. I haven’t had dislike infuse me so virulently and speedily as with this guy.

I just spent a ridiculous amount of time talking to him. There is something to be said for knowing someone for as long as I’ve known him – you do not have to wrap your sharp words in diplomatic puff pastry. Fun though that may be. Oh man. I think he is being a commitment phobic sob who is hiding behind seeking God’s will because he is a coward. And I said as much. Only minus the sob bit…I instead called him an idiot and cruel. I just wish I could shake him for what he is doing to that poor girl. The absolutely worst part is that I know why I dislike him and am as hard on him as I am. ** : I’ve known him for about 15 years and although we haven’t spoken in years the times we have spoken we have done so with shovels and delved each others souls and he has a very unfortunate habit, just as I have, of being able to cocoon the truth with arguments and beautiful words. And he is lying about something. I might be wrong. He might not be afraid of commitment but he is definitely lying about something and he is using his faith to shield it from view. Which of course makes me livid. Christians doing that is what made me turn my back on God. Well, that and me being a hedonistic, self seeking moron.

And since I am ranting let us do some more self righteous spitting:

I have a client who does motivational speaking. I think motivational speakers/life coaches are soulless hacks who make a living from manipulating people and they always end up making me think of the dad in Little Miss Sunshine. The temptation to roll my eyes whenever I receive mails from this man is so strong that I have to stab my clutch pencil into the soft meaty part between my thumb and forefinger until I whimper and even then my eyelids twitch.

None of that was loving. Oh man. Thank you Lord for Grace.

*I am starting to wonder after Saturday’s disastrous caffeine and vodka evening how true this adage could be. One of Chris’s friends thought I was on coke…NEVER again. The amount of damage and stumbling having a stranger think I am high on cocaine has caused makes my skin crawl with self hatred. No more.

** Why do we ever dislike people? I am so much like him it is awful.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 17th, 2009 at 2:32 pm and is filed under Rants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.